via Universal Pictures
In a horror movie, sometimes, there’s nothing anyone can do to avoid their untimely demise. The murderer is too smart, the monster is too powerful, and the demon just can’t be killed. Other times though, dying a horrible death could have been avoided outright if only the characters on screen were a bit… smarter.
It’s true that if anyone got too wise, there wouldn’t be much of a story in the first place. After all, watching people slowly get picked off over the course of a 90 minute movie is pretty darn fun. Our collective enjoyment still hasn’t stopped horror fans from debating an age old question of survival, and we have Reddit to thank for that.
Plenty of genre lovers have filled the comment section of this posting, and there’s really no arguing with the logic on display.
Jaws is a no-brainer. Go for a hike, get takeout, sit at home and binge Netflix for all we care — just don’t go to the beach. It’s really that simple. In this classic Spielberg picture, water is the enemy, and it must be avoided at all cost. We wouldn’t even dip a toe in the bathtub if there was a killer shark on the prowl.
Now this is an interesting one. It Follows exists as a satirical allegory, following the pitfalls and anxiety that come along with sexually transmitted diseases and infections. The only problem with the film’s premise is that if you don’t really do the dirty, you’re totally fine. So if you’d rather read a good book, or practice calligraphy — then no problem. “It” won’t be following you anywhere.
When a murderer is afoot, sometimes ignorance is bliss. Stay put, get drunk, live to see another day.
Here’s a few others that make perfect sense.
Leave it to the internet to create a guidebook for how we all can make it out of any sort of scary situation. In the end, survival in a horror movie is all about brain power. As one user puts it, solutions are all around us.
We couldn’t agree more, but thankfully, horror isn’t going to change. It’s fun to think about, but what’s more fun is watching a bunch of dummies make the wrong decisions — so even if we might survive, thank goodness some ill-fated characters never will.